= A Personal Appeal From Wikipedia Founder Jimmy Wales =
How's it Hanging, Suckers,
Today I am writing out this entry from the first class cabin of a transatlantic flight to ask you to support Wikipedia with a donation. This might sound slightly unusual: Why would I demand tens of thousands of dollars in speaking fees and then not give any of it to the Foundation, and then hit you up for some green? Especially when over 90 percent of you live off Ramen and dreams?
Wikipedia is built differently from almost every other top 50 website. Imagine, if you will, a giant pyramid scheme, with thousands and thousands of bodies at the bottom, constantly fighting each other over the most microscopic details. A giant, wriggling mass of self-appointed Guardians of Freedom. After that comes a couple ever-shrinking layers of Administrators, ArbCom Wanks, and Foundation members, each thinking they're they bee's knees and all those other retards don't have a clue. Don't pity them; I encourage this. Anyway, sitting on the top is me, getting head from the occasional news pundit. It's a great view. I wish you could see it.
But you can't.
As my heroes (Ayn Rand, Charles Ponzi and Bernard Madoff) like to say, it takes money to make the world go around. And think of that little Wikipedia globe as being the world. And think of the money as my money. Therefore the little Wikipedia ball isn't stuffed with money. No, no. It's stuffed with millions and millions of words written by college students stealing passages from websites and then indicating those websites aren't reliable sources. The money's over here. Under me. And I can feel my feet nearly touching the floor, people. So help us. Help me. Start stuffing money under me.
We have a small number of paid staff, just twenty-three. There used to be other people, but they're either convicted felons or betrayed fat guys. Our annual expenses are less than six million dollars, once you take out the "Jimbo" part. Wikipedia is run by the non-profit Wikimedia Foundation, which I founded in 2003. Ask around, if you will, how proud I am about this, when I tried to get massages approved as business expenses for the foundation. I was denied. It wasn't a very happy ending.
But Wikipedia is more than a website. We share a common slogan: Imagine a world in which every single person on the planet is given free access to the sum of all human knowledge. That's what we tell you. We also imply Wikipedia will make this happen. And then we delete articles by the truckload. I know, it doesn't make sense. Hey, you stopped writing your check. Keep writing.
Your donation helps us in several ways. It'll help when one of a dozen eventual lawsuits threaten us, because fundamentally, we're an American corporation with ties to quite a few sketchy and unpleasant people, people we don't put on the front page, or this letter. We put my face. It's a friendly face, if you like reading medical journals. And those eyes. Oh yes, those eyes. What are you doing later? How's your Wikipedia entry? Do you like it?
Anyway, cash. Cash cash cash cash cash cash. Or a check. Or even paypal. The point is, money. It's a small price to pay for being me. Well, I mean, a price you'll pay.
[[Mynd:Guðmundur Arason.jpg|thumb|Stytta af Guðmundi Arasyni á Hólum]]